capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The air was thick with penises
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
