it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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