Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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