shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
