so that wasnt chicken after all
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
