Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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