I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
