cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
