Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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