Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
