And the cops told us we were all naked.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
