I cockslap morals
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Couch. On fire.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
