Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize