On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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