I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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