what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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