Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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