P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
