so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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