I wanna passion pit in your ass
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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