I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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