i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
