My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize