need another drink. this is the easiest way
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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