Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
