why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
