This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
