She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
