I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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