so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
