Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just found a bag of teeth...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
