tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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