In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize