it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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