Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
