I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
