I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im holly from the hills drunk
cat food counts as protein by the way
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
