So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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