You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
