He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
