ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
