Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
