Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize