Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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