You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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