I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
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