That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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