She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
