I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
