so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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