my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
