just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
