hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
