Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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