The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
