Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
