How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize