You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
