Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize