Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
