I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
