dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
