Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
