i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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