if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
