Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
