i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
