He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
