I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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